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 Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx)

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Pyxis Wilson
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PostSubject: Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx)   Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx) EmptyMon Jul 23, 2012 9:03 am

Pyxis was in a shitty mood, and had been for the past week. She'd dropped Noah off at the nursery in a shit mood, and had glared at anyone that even looked at her. Alcyone hadn't let her actually do her lesson, but rather had got a substitute claiming that she was in too much of a shit to be allowed near any students. Naturally, this had only made Pyxis even more sour and she'd spent the past 3 days in her room, grumbling about fucking Hogwarts, fucking people, fucking Parker. Anyone with common sense would know to steer clear of the fiery-tempered blonde.

She glared down at Noah as he whimpered and reached up at her. "Aunty Pyx, me hungy," he protested as she refused to pick him up off the floor. He pouted as her gaze hardened. "Nice to meet you hungy, i'm Pyxis," she snapped at the child, who promptly burst into tears. Pyxis groaned and picked him up, gently rocking him until he shut up. She laid him down in his bed and pulled the blankets up to cover him. Alcy burst into the room at that moment and Pyxis whipped around to glare at her. "I'll keep an eye on him from here, you have fun!" Alcy smiled perkily, which annoyed Pyxis. She walked over to her bed and grabbed her shoulder bag that she normally used for classes. She just wasn't girly enough to carry around a fucking purse. She shouldered the bag and stalked past Alcy without another word.

She stomped down the staircase with her arms crossed and through the halls. Several students jumped out of her way as she stormed along, icy glares given to all. She even glared at the wall, just for good measure. SHe shut the doors to the castle behind her and walked down the path - if you can call storming walking - and along to Hogsmeade. The bitter wind whipped against her, the snow making it difficult to walk and the snowflakes from the sky sticking in her hair. She growled and ran her hands through her hair, wiping away any excess snow. The ice melted in her hair if she left it there. She shivered as a snowflake went down the back of her shirt. She quickened her pace, no longer stomping along but walking like a normal human and ducked into The Three Broomsticks. She moved straight to a booth and flopped down, looking grumpy and vicious as she had been prior to getting snow down her shirt.

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PostSubject: Re: Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx)   Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx) EmptySat Jul 28, 2012 6:20 am

Parker had trying not to let his mood get to him. Talking with Tess had been helping a bit...just having someone he could just talk to a little bit. He didn't imagine it would help so much, but it had. And he felt far better prepared walking into this then just a few days ago. All this going out was taking a tole oh his wallet though. A perk of not really having friends was not having to spend money he supposed.

He day felt so busy, though he felt like he'd gotten no work done. He'd spend most his day caring for a particular student and hardly recalled the rest of his day, but before he knew it it was already time to have met Pyxis. Shit, he was late. And she was going to be raging at him. He grabbed his sweater off his chair as he ran out the room, trying to hurry as much as he could down the moving staircases and eventually through the doors to outside. The moment he stepped out he pulled his sweater around himself tighter and shivered, it being much colder outside then he thought it would be for some reason.

He practically started to run, knowing the longer he took the angrier she would be. Damn it, why did he always have to screw things up. He slowed down as he neared The Three Broomsticks, trying to catch his breath as he pushed the door open. The bottom of his trousers were soaked with the water from the snow, his sweater and hair damp as well. He looked around for Pyxis, catching the owner's eye and getting a nasty look from her. He eventually found Pyxis at a booth near the back and quickly made his way over, praying she'd not been there too long...otherwise he had a feeling he was a dead man.

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PostSubject: Re: Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx)   Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx) EmptySat Jul 28, 2012 7:53 am

Pyxis rested her hand on the table, trying hard to remain calm - a near impossible feat when she was so damn angry. He was infuriating, everything he did just made her so angry she didn't think she could take it much longer. She wanted to just go stand outside in the snow, feel the coldness whip at her skin and let her anger build until she screamed at the top of her lungs. Yes, screaming would fix it, she wanted to scream so badly. She wanted a lot of things, but oh no, she'd never get anything she wanted. She wanted to be happy, but according to Parker she wasn't allowed that either! And then, he acted as if he was some fucking saint and said that he'd talk to her when they could be civilised adults! Ha! Like she'd started that fight in the first place!

More than anything though, she wished that she could turn her feelings off. She wanted it to stop, because sometimes she was just filled with so much emotion that her hands would clench into fists, and she'd have an urge to smash things. She was tired of feeling angry all the time, tired of not being able to just take a break and relax. She was tired of having to take care of Noah, a child she'd never asked for. Why did she have to have a nephew to take care of?! She didn't want a child! She wasn't a mother by anyone's standards! Heck, she yelled at Noah if he annoyed her.

Pyxis nails dug into the table of the booth and she frowned at the server who looked like he'd been about to approach hit, but he suddenly changed his mind, took two steps backwards and walked the other way. She stared at the watch on her wrist and almost growled angrily. She was going to KILL him! Late! When it was HIS idea! She looked up as the door opened and glared at him viciously as he walked towards her, hair dripping wet and his trousers wet. "Nice to see you decided to show up." She snapped at him, lifting her hand away from the table and crossing her arms.

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PostSubject: Re: Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx)   Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx) EmptyThu Aug 02, 2012 11:29 pm

She had every reason to be furious at him for an endless amount of reasons. He couldn't blame her. He just thought that some of those reasons were dealt with by now...but apparently not. He had wanted to meet and talk with her to settle some things. He knew both of them were so sick of all the anger and fighting and he just wanted it to stop. He simply wanted his friend back.

As he hurried over to the table he looked away from the owner of the bar and ran his hand through his wet hair. He looked down at the ground, able to feel her glare. He was terribly late, and he'd kept her waiting for something that was his idea. He should have just sat in there all day to avoid this happening. He wanted to apologize bad enough where he could have waited around for hours.

Parker slipped into the booth, head lowered, hands resting on his lap. He didn't move when she snapped at him. She crossed her arms and he sighed. "I should have been here before you even got here, I know. I got caught up with a student, but there's really no excuse...." He kept his voice soft and controlled, having thought all day abut what he wanted to say to her. He started to speak more quickly, wanting to get the first part out before she could interrupt him. "I wanted to let you know how sorry I am. For snapping at you the other day. It was completely uncalled for... You were so happy, and I should have just let you be...and I'm sorry for ruining that. I-I..." he sighed deeply, shaking his head slightly as he rested his hands on the table.

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PostSubject: Re: Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx)   Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx) EmptySat Aug 11, 2012 7:48 am

Whilst Pyxis had sat around doing nothing for hours, or while she tried to sleep (and was for the most part, un-successful) she had often told herself that she would deal with this in a calm manner. She didn't want to bring up old problems, she had wanted to just get through this because she was sick to death of being so angry all the fucking time, and mostly at him.

It wasn't fair of her to just turn on him the moment something he did wasn't goddamn perfect. Though when she thought about it, she could feel her anger rising because she'd TRIED to cheer him up and all he'd done is brought her down into that dark abyss with him. But the only reason he was so pissed off in the first place was because of her.

It was an endless circle of anger that she was too tired to figure out, and she wanted to break it and just run away. But now, by being late, he was only adding fuel to the fire and she was pissed at him for it. Wasn't he the one trying to fix this, anyways? "Yeah I don't give a fuck why you're late Parker, just get to the point," she snapped. Honestly, Hogwarts could've imploded and he had to help re-build it and she wouldn't've cared. Fact is, he was late and he hadn't told her he might be in advance. He spoke quickly, as if he knew that she would try to interrupt him any opportunity she got. She crossed her arms and sat back, listening with a frown on her face, though she raised an eyebrow as he stopped. "Apology accepted, though it doesn't mean i'm not pissed at you. I?" She grumbled.

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PostSubject: Re: Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx)   Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx) EmptySat Aug 11, 2012 8:11 am

Parker didn't know how to go about doing anything having to do with Pyxis. He realized he was really getting tired of this shit, and he couldn't take much more of whatever this was. He was too tired, too shut down to be able to handle being put down so much so often. It was hard feeling so dead inside whenever she screamed at him. She had been so upset that he was trying to help her and the order when they were captive...she never appreciated any little thing he ever tried to do...and god knows he wanted to try so hard to fix it all and just be friends again. She could go off with her fucking boyfriend, he could keep doing his job, just move on. But constantly being shut down and when he had to thread so lightly around it, it took away from his will. What if there was no point to it? No way to fix it? The least she could do was just tell him then, give him a definitive answer. But that was such a selfish idea when he couldn't do her the same. lately he felt that no matter what he did he could never be good enough, back in a dark familiar pit. One he couldn't try to run from because he had no where left to fucking run.

He turned his head and closed his eyes briefly, biting the inside of his cheek painfully as she snapped at him. Why? Why did anything he say have to be turned and snapped back at him like that. He took in a deep breath after speaking so quickly. He let it out slowly, trying to calm himself, trying to focus. He just wanted to talk....he needed to talk. And besides a very rare chat with Tess now and again she was all he had. And he'd be fine with that is she didn't treat him like such shit. But he was at the breaking point now and he'd talk even if she didn't want to listen. Keeping everything inside of him had gotten him no where in his life so far except make it harder.

He sighed and slouched slightly, resting his elbows on the table and putting his face in his hands as he took in another deep breath and started to speak softly and steadily. "Every time...every time I say 'You have every right to be mad at me.' ...Even when I don't do anything. Am I never entitled to the same with you? Is there something that says I can't get angry too? That I don't have to just shut down...I don't like having to do that with you Pyxi-" He voice suddenly caught, his shoulders trembling slightly. He breathed out, not raising his head, keeping his face covered with his hands. "I just want to be able to talk with you again at the very least if not friends. I hate feeling like this and I just want to be happy again."

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PostSubject: Re: Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx)   Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx) EmptySat Aug 11, 2012 8:39 am

Pyxis often wondered many things, but the biggest worry on her mind right now was how long Parker could stand her. Sure, they'd had their fights and squabbles at school, but his 7 year absence in her life had turned her bitter, angrier, ruder and far more explosive than she'd ever been before. Sure, she'd like to pretend that it was his fault, that she'd become like this because he'd left her, but in reality she'd allowed herself to become the person she was. Anyone else and they would've moved on, then when he came back been angry at first but soon been relieved to have their friend back, safe and well. Not Pyxis though, she exploded, she was horrible, and whens he was mad she remained that way. She became the biggest hypocrite the world had ever seen, thinking that she was entirely right and the other person was wrong.

Given the time to mull it over, think, and perhaps calm herself down a little, Pyxis could come to the realisation that she wasn't entirely in the right, that she wasn't the only one who was hurting. The week that it had been since they'd last spoken, she'd come to this realisation. What frustrated her to no end though, was his ability to make her angry with one word. She wished she didn't have to get so angry. She wanted to be able to talk and discuss everything like a calm, mature adult. Was she even capable of BEING calm anymore? She doubted it. She really, really doubted it.

Pyxis stared at him blankly for several seconds, and her anger evaporated with those words. The way he held himself, even, helped in stopping the anger from bursting forth. She rubbed the back of her neck and looked down, feeling childish. No, scratch that, she WAS childish. She was like a toddler who didn't get their way. "I-I never said you weren't allowed... to get angry at me..." She said quietly. She felt a tear slide down her cheek and she ran her hands through her hair, wanting to tug at it but resisting the urge. "You think it's easy for me, do you? Do you think I like being angry all the time?" She asked hoarsely, looking up at him. She felt bad, yes, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to defend herself.

She knew she should just shut her mouth, but she was getting irritated slightly the more she thought about his words. She never said he wasn't allowed to get angry at her! He was! He knew she wasn't the kind of person to admit doing something wrong and he expected her to say what he said? That's not the kind of person she was. She was offended that he didn't know her well enough to know that. "It's fucking horrible for me TOO, Parker, I want to be happy too! But it seems like no matter WHAT I do, I can't be happy! It's like the universe is against me, and it makes me bitter. It makes me childish, but it mostly just makes me angry. I'm always angry, Parker, and it's so horrible for me. You're lucky, you can just... you're more controlled! Do you know what it's like to be so controlled by your emotions, to feel like some monster inside of you has been set loose every time one little thing happens? Do you know what that's like?" She growled.

"I'll tell you what it's like! It's scary, it's upsetting, it's frustrating, it's draining, it's tiring, it's horrible, nothing good comes out of it. I don't have any friends, Parker, did you ever notice that? While you were off at your fucking parties, did you ever realise that I just sat in the common room doing work because I had no one other than you to talk to? And then, oh joy I go home to my father over the holidays and wasn't that just bloody great! My mother was okay, but they both abandoned me for SO many YEARS, Parker! But no, this is easy for me. Being angry all the time, being a fucking bomb, it's so much fun! You should try it some time!" Her voice was slightly hysterical.

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PostSubject: Re: Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx)   Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx) EmptySun Aug 12, 2012 2:13 am

Parker pressed on his eyes until he saw shapes behind them. He ran his hands down his face, before resting his arms and palms on the table. His eyes were still lowered. He wished he knew why he made her so angry..what was it about him that made people just hate him. No matter what he did or tried. Why couldn't he be enough for once? He shook his head very slightly when she becan to protest softly. No, she may not have ever directly said it, but every action spoke it. Most the time she truly believed she was always right and it was one of the things that actually made him angry. Pride, or whatever it was, was it really that hard to admit she could be wrong.

When she started getting more defensive, asking if he thought she liked it, he sighed and shook his head, gripping his hands together. "No...no, I don't think that at all." He said, his voice sounding so tired. "I can see how hard it is on you...in the way you hold yourself, in yours eyes, I can hear it in your voice...for christ's sake I can practically feel it in the air..." he breathed out, glancing up quickly. He didn't think it was a good idea to really look at her. In his experience with his parents and especially his mother it would only drive her more over the edge. It's not like he wanted her to change who she was completely...he just hated all the hostility, hated how she never seemed pleased with everything. At this point none of this was about him, he felt far too gone. He listened to her go on, and he scoffed incredulously when she called him lucky. "No Pyxis...do you- do you know what it feels like to have that darkness eat away at you from the inside...until you're just...hallow. It's not a matter of me being able to control it anymore- I just can't fucking feel anything." He said, his voice so soft and vulnerable sounding it was nearly a whisper.

"It's dark, it's cold, it's lonely and I can't get myself out- I can't-" He closed his eyes, taking in a breath as his voice faltered and she went on. He let out a short bitter laugh when she mentioned the parties he went to the beginning to 6th. "Those? Pyxis...I only went to those because I felt so goddamn lonely. I-I wanted to fix myself, I wanted to try to make things different for me. I just...wanted people to like me. I thought- I thought maybe I could make friends and then you could be friends with them...and we could be happier. I just...I tried so hard but they hated me. No matter what I did, everyone hated me." He didn't care if she thought he was just complaining. He had spend tso many years bottling it up he couldn't bring himself to care. He couldn't stop himself from talking now, everything just kept coming out.

He felt this clench in his chest when she mentioned her father, and he couldn't seem to catch his breath. It felt like all the times he had to not make any noise when his mother hit him...other wise she'd just keep going, it felt like when he was under the water and no matter what couldn't get any air. He was drowning. That was this feeling. He felt like he practically gasped when he spoke "You don't know what went on with me- I had my time of anger and I'm so tired of it now." it wasn't her fault that she didn't know though...it was his. So long he'd just been trying to keep things in, but look where it had gotten him. Everyone thought he was cold, that there was nothing that really caused his behavior. They had no idea. "All this time I've felt so..responsible. As if everything bad that has happened to us, there was something I could have done to prevent it. Something different I could have done, even if it was just small, to make it all better. I feel like everything could be so much different if I could actually seem to do something right for once. But I can't, And all this crap happening..i feel so hypervigilent and on the edge of snapping- I just can't anymore Pyxis. I can't keep going on like this. I need someone, I need to just...feel like you're on my side. That you're not going to attack me all the time."

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PostSubject: Re: Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx)   Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx) EmptySun Aug 12, 2012 3:14 am

Pyxis was finding it increasingly hard to keep forcing air in and out of her lungs. Every breath was short, sharp and quick, making her chest ache painfully. Her heart felt as if it had too much pressure on it, her lungs, her head, everything was beginning to ache painfully. Because they were just going round and round and round in circles. It wasn't even his fault that they did this, it was hers. Oh, how she knew she was so fucking wrong. She should just let to calm the fuck down and take a stupid chill pill, but she couldn't. She needed help, but her pride always got in the way. She hated to be seen as weak, hated anything that made her look pathetic. Her father's words rang in her ears and she winced.

She was tired. There was no other way to explain the agony her body was in, the way it slumped, the way she just wanted to bang her head against the table until she passed out from Merlin knows what. She was completely and utterly exhausted, because being angry all the time wasn't good for her. At age 24, she'd suffered a fucking heart attack! If she kept letting herself get so angry, she'd be dead before she was 30. That thought frightened her, and helped her sober up a bit. Only a little though, because she still had barely any control over her anger. She needed to practice controlling it, like she practiced controlling her magic. Yes, if she practiced, she could be a calmer, more reasonable, rational person. "Then why do you act like... why do you..." She couldn't express her thoughts as words, it just wasn't working. She shut her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and fore-finger, trying to calm herself. "This is so fucked up." She whispered after a moment's pause. "Us, all of this, it's all just so fucked up and I don't want to do it anymore, but I just don't see an ending. It's a circle Parker, and a circle doesn't end," she didn't want to say the next bit, the big question that was on her mind.

She felt tears slide down her cheeks as he asked her if she knew what it felt like to have the darkness eat away at you. She didn't, she only knew what it was like to be consumed and controlled by her emotions. She felt guilty for thinking she was the only one with a problem, because fuck they'd both had pretty shit childhoods and sometimes she forgot that it wasn't just her. "Don't you say that," she argued. "People do like you, Parker, I mean they did, I don't even know you anymore so I don't know your friends or anything but - they DID. You had all those girls following you around, Haley and shit. You had friends. You just... didn't really get along overly well with the boys, really, but hey I always clash with girls. In fact, Alcyone's probably the only girl that can tolerate me - Haley did a little, but you did have friends. People do like you. When you let yourself, you're a very likeable person. You listen, you're quiet, you help, you offer suggestions, you... you have good intentions. I'm not even sure how the fuck you were a Slytherin." She turned her head away and buried her face in her hands.

Pyxis' had been too caught up listening to him speak about how no one liked him to think about what he'd previously said, but now she couldn't stop thinking about that line. 'I just can't fucking feel anything.' She sniffled and brought her head out of her hands to stare at him. Why did he never look back at her? Did she scare him that much that he couldn't look at her? Or was it something else entirely? She didn't know, he'd never told her much about his past. Though she hadn't really, either, he had no idea that her father beat her up, though she was sure he'd known at the time something was up. "Please don't say you can't feel anything." She suddenly whispered. That upset her most, that he couldn't feel anything, because she still loved him despite everything wrong between them. She wanted to hug him, she wanted to slap him, she wanted to storm off and she wanted to curl up against him and just sob her heart out.

"I know, we both had a shit childhood, Parker, and maybe this is why... urgh, maybe it's why we're both so fucked up!" She exclaimed, lifting her hands up and slamming them down again. She ignored the looks from a few people around them and stared at him intensely. "I wish I knew what'd happened to you, Parker, because I know that you're keeping things from me. You never told me the full story, I get it that you don't want to, but you can't expect me to just understand when I don't. I don't know what happened to you, Parker, but I wish I did. I-" She stopped and rans her hands through her hair again, breathing heavily. She needed to calm down, she needed air, she needed space. She was starting to feel claustrophobic. She needed... She looked back over at him and felt her heart ache painfully as more tears spilled down her cheeks. "Don't blame yourself! Cause it's not your fault, this is my fault too! I'm an angry person, Parker, and I don't even know how to control myself. I try, but... it doesn't work that well." She groaned. She gulped and stood up, walking over and staring down at him. "This, us," she motioned between them and shook her head. "It doesn't work. I love you so much, Parker, but... it's like some other force refuses to let us be happy. I just want to be happy, and I can't if i'm friends with you. Don't do something stupid or anything, this isn't your fault, but I don't think that we can be happy if we're friends. I'm sorry." She then turned and walked towards the door.

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PostSubject: Re: Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx)   Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx) EmptySun Aug 12, 2012 7:10 am

He managed to glance up for a moment when she started fumbling over her words... What? What did he seem to act like?? He wanted to ask, but kept it in, not wanting to spark her. It was strange, it was..sad, to see her looking so defeated and exhausted and uncomfortable. He sometimes wished he'd had more training with legillimency to be able to tell what she was thinking. Things would be so much easier if he understood her better...and she him, he supposed. Nearly every argument of theirs up to the point was from stupid misunderstandings. One of them always seemed to be out of step with the other, taking what the other did or said the wrong way when they didn't have to, getting upset when they didn't need to. If only he could just...talk, cry out, somehow force himself to say the words he never wanted to. He didn't know a way out of this dark pit he felt he was in, and sometimes it seemed the only way out was to ask for help. Just say...'help me'.However, it felt increasingly impossible now...the nearest hand he could have reached out to now felt so far away...

He blinked when she muttered how fucked up this all was. She was right. This was all so ridiculous. He glanced up...then drew his eyes back down, clenching and unclenching his hands as she went on. he was silent for a moment. "What....so are you saying you don't want to try to be my friend anymore?..to hard for you?" He asked quietly, the disbelieve he felt sounded more like cold taunting even to his own ears. He bit down hard on his lip. Out of all the things he had ever tried to escape from, he had never wanted to run from this friendship, this bond they had. While he may have left school and in turn left her abandoned, he had the hope deep in his heart that there was still something between them, even if it was small. Even if it was hatred.

He wiped his eyes, lowering his clamped hands into his lap as he leaned back in his seat. He took a short breath, watching the white, tensed knuckles of his hands. He shook his head slightly the whole time she talked, the old feelings of worthlessness creeping back with those memories. The horror of realizing how alone he was even in a crowded room full of people that tried to act as if they liked him. Even if those kids said they did like him, it's not like any of them really cared. He could have disappeared, offed himself, and no one would have batted and eye in that whole group of kids."No- don't say that, you don't know. Did you ever hear what some of those kids said in the halls to me? In those classes I didn't have with you? Did you see the way they looked at me, the way some of them fought with me?? No- you didn't." If he were honest, the most he felt cared about was with those shitty kids on his street when they were all getting out of trouble together. It was sad to think that in those circumstances he actually felt a part of something. Parker closed his eyes and winced as those last words came out of her mouth. It felt like a stab to an already open wound to his chest. He bit his lip hard, opening his eyes and looking up, but not at her. His eyes portrayed how hurt he was by those words. It only solidified all those years of feeling out of place, of feeling so lonely, of the teasing he got for it. His voice wavered, his eyes in a fixed stare with a spot just to the right of her. "Don't say that."

But how could she have known what a blow that was to him? It's not like he ever told her directly. He hadn't told her much of anything directly in all the years he'd known her. She hadn't told him much of anything either as they grew up. It was like walls had been built up and they didn't know. And now there seemed no way to break them down. It felt so impossible now. He frowned, a dead look in his fixed gaze, before he moved his eyes away again. "I don't fancy myself a liar. I'm telling you...i'm not trying to make excused. It's..honestly hard. I need you to understand that." When she started to raise her voice again and slammed her hands against the table, Parker flinched rather violently. His eyes shutting tight as his head turned away from her, his whole body tensing. he let out a pained breath. "I wish I could tell you...I-I..I just can't. Not yet." He swallowed hard, taking in a heavy breath through his nose. "It's hard not to blame myself when someone else blamed everything wrong in their life on me.they made me honestly believe there was something I could have done. It's stupid, I know. But I can't help it!"

When she stood and motioned between the two of them, he finally and properly looked up at her. His face looking more tired than ever before. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something- but his throat was dry...and his lungs stung as if he didn't have any air in them. He slowly felt everything sink back into him. He wished he could take back everything he had said or done. Restarted this whole meeting and been here before her, made things right. This....this wasn't what he wanted at all. He couldn't bring himself to move after her as she started to leave. Nothing ached though, it was just numb. He just went numb to it because that's all he could ever do.

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Pyxis Wilson
Pyxis Wilson
British - Pureblood - Professor & OOTP
British - Pureblood - Professor & OOTP

Female Posts : 278
Join date : 2012-03-13
Location : Ricochet Hotel, London

Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx)   Not So Subtle Glares (Parks & Pyx) EmptyMon Aug 13, 2012 11:24 am

Pyxis felt that annoying urge to grab a chair and throw it at the wall so hard it would break beginning to rise. It was something she often did, break things when she was frustrated. Words refused to make sense in her head, making it increasingly hard to argue any sort of point, to try and just get her message across to Parker, because she didn't even understand what she was thinking herself. She rubbed at her face, pressing against her eyes lightly and trying to just calm herself down enough to form a fucking coherent thought. But they were all jumbled up, not a single one made any sense! She let out a frustrated noise and opened her eyes again. She wasn't angry, she was just so tired and frustrated! She just wanted this to end! She didn't want to constantly be at war. It was in these moments that she found herself wishing he hadn't come back. She used to never want him to leave her, be horrified at the thought despite all the anger, because she'd missed him so much whilst he'd been gone. But now? Now she was just tired. She wanted to go back to the shell that she used to be, because living a half-life was better than living this one full of anger, agony, pain, regret, sadness, and just overall difficulty.

Her words were the utter truth, and it pained her to even think that. Their lives, together, were so fucked up. Everything about the two of them was fucked up, the pain, the anger, the fighting, the disagreements, the misunderstandings, EVERYTHING. She didn't want to be at war with herself all the time. One side of her was on his half, her better judgement, but she most commonly listened to her worse judgement because she was a stupid, pride-controlled bitch and she hated herself so much at times. She wanted to reach out and stop him from clenching his hands and then un-clenching him, she wanted to comfort him. She wanted to punch him for leaving in the first place. She wanted to punch him for ruining her happiness. She wanted to punch him for being the centre of her universe. Why did he have to mean so much to her that every day was just harder and harder?

Pyxis groaned and pulled out her wand, waving it over the two of them. Merlin, she didn't want to feel the penetrating glares of everyone staring at them, they should all just mind their own business! Immediately, the duo became invisible to the outside of their bubble, and all sound was deafened. She then banged her head against the table and grabbed fistfuls of her hair with an aggravated huff. She lifted her head and gave him a glare. "Don't give me bullshit about this being to hard, don't ask such stupid questions! Of course this is hard for me, you make me so angry!" She growled. "Maybe I don't! I don't know what I want anymore, i'm so confused and I just... I want to curl up in a ball and cry. All I ever wanted was to have you back in my life, and now i'm not even sure what's up and what's down, what's left and what's right, who I am, what I stand for, why I live here, why I don't just leave," she clutched at her head. Though she put on the tough girl fa├žade, she really just wanted someone to hold her whilst she cried. She always relied on someone, but was independent at the same time. She contradicted herself, she made no sense, and she was so in-decisive she often confused herself. She wanted Parker to hold her, but she doubted that would happen, and therefore she felt a sudden need to just floo to Anscom's house and insist that he hold her while she cried. Not that she thought he'd protest, she was just a demanding person and bossed people around needlessly. Why was she such a bitch? Pyxis sighed.

Pyxis almost screamed at him as she shook her head slightly with every word that poured out of her mouth. He probably didn't even think about it, just did it because he always disagreed with everything she said, or maybe it was the other way round? Yeah, most of the time it was the other way around, though this time it wasn't. And she felt bloody pissed off - was this how he felt all the time when she just completely discounted every word that came out of his mouth? What the FUCK was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just be a nice, calm person? WHY WHY WHY? She hated herself, she wanted to go die in some hole in Merlin knows where, but she was too much of a coward, too much of a pathetic little girl to kill herself and make everyone else's lives better. Well, Parker's she supposed. She didn't mean anything to anyone else. Oh, Anscom, right. She frowned at how Anscom was never on her mind. "I didn't hear what they said to you, Parker. You never told me. You know that hurts, right? Do you even care how much that hurts me? That you didn't trust me enough to tell me about their whispers? Am I meant to just know? I don't listen to the shit other people say, Parker you know that! I didn't have any friends other than you, and Haley in seventh year. Who was I meant to hear it from, huh? Who?" She turned her eyes away, no longer able to look at him. She grit her teeth.

Sometimes, she wondered how SHE could stand HIM. Though most of the time, she pondered who on earth he could stand to be around her and her bi-polar mood swings. But still. He just expected her to understand all the shit he'd been through, to know that other kids said bullshit about him. How was she meant to know? He didn't tell her anything. She suddenly felt an urge to be stubborn like a small child, so she crossed her arms and huffed indignantly, frowning at him. "Maybe I don't want to understand, did you think about that? Maybe I just don't care. I went through shit too, Parker, or do you forget that? Do you forget that it was hard for me, too? At least I didn't just shut myself off in fifth year, I just soldiered on. Not everyone runs away from their problems, you know." That was a low blow, but she was in a foul mood and was feeling distraught already from what she was about to say.

She hated that he didn't call after her, or insist she stayed as she walked away. She understood why he didn't though, because she'd just been a total un-reasonable bitch and then told him they shouldn't be friends, for real this time. The moment she stepped out into the cool air, the tears flowed and she knew she couldn't go back to the castle. She turned on her heel and apparated away.

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