Pyxis had been seated at her armchair by the window for the past 20 minutes, an un-opened book resting on her lap as she hummed softly to herself. Her eyes were fixated outside, where the sun was slowly sinking behind the earth that eagerly hid its rays from view. The clouds were cast a mixture of orange and pink, whilst the sky matched these colours with a hint of purple swirled into it. Pyxis loved to watch the sunset, these beautiful hues mixing together to form a truly wonderful sight for the eyes. She sighed softly, letting her eyes drop back to her book once more as the final ray vanished behind the earth, and the stars eagerly took over as the beauty in the sky. Pyxis huffed and tossed her book onto the bed. With a final, lingering look at the wonderful constellations outside she stood up and walked over to her dresser. She opened it and pulled out her pyjama's - plain purple shirt with blue pants that had clouds on them - and draped them over her arm.

With her pyjama's, hair brush and other equipment needed, she moved into her bathroom and placed it all on top of the toilet seat. She grabbed the hairbrush, exfoliate, toner and moisturiser and put them all in the rack in the shower. She un-dressed, turned on the hot water and stepped underneath the shower head. After shutting the shower door, she adjusted the water so that it was warm and didn't burn her skin like a moment ago. She sung softly to herself as she cleaned herself off, washed her hair and rubbed exfoliate onto her face. She washed it off and stood in the water for a moment longer, feeling the warmth on her skin before she turned off the water. Once out, she rubbed toner and moisturiser onto her face and wrapped a towel around her hair after drying off her body. "I'll stop the whole world, i'll stop the whole world from turning into a monster and eating us alive, don't you ever wonder how we'd survive?" She sung to herself as she pulled her pyjamas on and moved back into her bedroom.

She took a seat on her bed and picked up the previously un-opened book, flipping it to her bookmark and continuing her reading. Very soon, she was engrossed in the book lying on her stomach with it held up in front of her face as she kicked her legs slowly behind her. She nibbled on her fingernail as it got to an intense part, and gasped as one of the main characters fell to an un-timely death. "Oh dear." She mumbled. As she turned the page to read on, Noah Lucian Ciero, the son of her late half-sister whom she'd never met began to cry from his crib. She didn't have time to cast a muffling charm as he wailed, her mind going into motherlyness as she hurried over to him. She lifted him up out of the crib and rocked him side to side as she failed to notice the door opening behind her. "Shh, sweety, i've got you." She cooed as his cries died down a bit.

After his long day, he went from the Hospital Wing to his quarters, which thankfully were on the same floor. He slowly got ready for bed, feeling utterly exhausted, emotionally and mentally. He unbuttoned his shirt, slipping it off and tossing it to the empty corner of the room. He sat on the edge of his bed, untying and sliding off his shoes. He set them next to his bedside table. He tugged at the collar of his undershirt and then stood up again, taking off his trousers. He tossed them aside with the shirt and then turned to pull the blankets back on his bed to climb in.

He layed on his back, pulling the blanket over himself and he laid there a long time, just staring up at the ceiling thinking, as he had done for years when trying to sleep. He was trying to sort through everything, thing of what he wished for other people and how their lives would go, thinking of far away places of peace where he didn't have to worry about anything until he drifted to sleep. But that had all been disrupted. Meeting Pyxis again had just changed everything. He couldn't get his mind to stop racing and he sat up in his bed, resting his head in his hands. He groaned as he turned, sitting with his feet over the edge.

Moments later he thought he heard a baby crying. His head shot up as he listened. Who had a baby here? Alcyone's child wasn't a baby. Curious, knowing his mind would definitely not be able to rest now, he stood up. He grabbed a thin robe from his closet, putting it on, not wanting to just walk out in his boxer shorts and a t-shirt. He opened the door and poked his head out, listening. the crying was calming down and he stepped out of his room, closing the door and wandlessly locking the door out of habit. He walked down the corridor, and looked to the door where the crying was coming from. He furrowed his brows, extremely confused. Pyxis' room?? No way. He, for some reason, hadn't thought to have knocked or respected her privacy. His curiosity had become ultimately childlike and it slipped his mind. He just started opening the door and looked in, speaking quietly. "Pyxis?"

Pyxis hoped that the others weren't trying to sleep yet, she'd feel horrible if she disturbed them with Noah. He was beginning to gurgle now as his eyes that matched her own looked up at her curiously, and with a giggle he reached his hand up and wrapped the smallest little fingers Pyxis had ever seen around one of her wavy locks. She smiled warmly down at him and shifted his weight into one arm, the other tickling his stomach. She was still un-aware of someone in the doorway, watching.

"Aww, aren't you a cutie, let go of my hair not cutie pie, let go - Oww! Noah!" She whined softly, and his face immediately fell at her annoyed tone. He sniffled, and in a desperate attempt to ensure he didn't cry she kissed his forehead and let him play with her pinky instead, which he was quite content to do so. He wrapped his little fingers around the pinky and stared at them in wonder. "They're so small, how is it that possible?" She asked, and Noah looked up at her with a toothless, gummy smile. He spluttered out in-comprehendible nonsense that made her giggle, before she heard her name and she whipped around.

Pyxis froze, and Noah sensed this and looked over at the intruder curiously, before he looked back up at Pyxis and gurgled. She suddenly felt plain and self-conscious in her dull pyjamas that were childish with the clouds on the bottoms, and she looked down with a light blush on her cheeks. "Oh, did I wake you? Well, did Noah wake you? Sorry, I forgot to cast a muffling charm." She mumbled as she rocked Noah sub-consciously in her arms.

In the brief moment of silence between when he entered and when he said her name, he watched some of the interaction between Pyxis and the baby. It was so surreal to see her holding the baby boy, kissing him, and him giggling and gurgling back at her. Parker had never imagined her to have a child. While he had wished she would have moved on and have a family, that was some daydream of her leading a happy life without him. Reality had sunk in this day though, and he realized how foolish it was.

What had really irked him though was that she had not said a thing about the baby. Her claiming she was just fine with children rang through his mind. She said she'd not been with any one also. The fact she had hidden that from him really bothered him. Though how could he blame her, not wanting to talk about that stuff while right in the midst of arguing. They hadn't a proper chance to talk about those things, even though from when she had said before, there didn't seem to be needing any talking. Wait, why did he even care? ...she'd kept this from him, that was why, he figured.

Parker looked back at Pxyis when she looked over, clearing his throat embarrassed in the realization he'd intruded. He pulled his cheap bed rob around himself tighter, crossing his arms and looking down. "Oh, uhm, no...I..." he swallowed, his throat feeling dry. "I didn't know...that you. uh..." he paused and breathed out, stumbling over his words as he glanced back up at her and how naturally she held and rocked him. He cleared his throat awkwardly again, not knowing what to say, and blurting out. "Noah's a nice name..."

Pyxis wondered why Parker was so shocked when she realised she hadn't even mentioned Noah at all. Her eyes widened a fraction as she glanced back up at him whilst he stumbled over his words, a look of confusion in his eyes along with embarrassment. She pressed her lips together in a thin line as she realised he thought Noah was her baby. She opened her mouth to explain that this was her dead sister's baby, that she was taking care of him for that reason when she had a brilliant idea.

An evil, mean, cruel, and very Slytherin idea. It would be enjoyable for her to see if there was anything at all he felt for her, if he became un-comfortable with the fact that she supposedly 'fell in love' with someone other than him. Bollocks, she thought to herself with a secretive smile, before that vanished off her face and she chuckled softly. Noah's hand grabbed one of her locks of hair again and she squeaked as he tugged. "Oi, you, let go." She huffed at him, pulling the hair out of his grasp and he frowned back as she did so. She gave him her thumb, and he seemed delighted with the challenge of wrapping his tiny fingers around it.

"Oh, erm, thanks. Yeah, he's my ex-husband and I's son," she explained, biting on her lip to keep from both smiling and laughing whilst she watched him carefully to see his reaction, especially his eyes. As people always sad, the eyes were the key to ones soul, to ones true emotions. She had become very good at reading the emotions within peoples eyes, though that was because she'd had nothing better to do with her life. She rocked Noah once more as he began to whimper, and she smiled down at him before looking back at Parker. "I didn't mention him, did I?"

Parker looked down at his socked feet, his shins and calfs feeling cold by what felt like a small, sudden breeze. There was what felt like to him a heavy silence except for the sounds of Noah. He chewed on his lip, and he looked back up again when she squeaked as Noah tugged on her hair again. From working at the hospital, it sure seemed babies liked to tug on hair...

When she explained further, Parker had on a complex expression. His eyebrows were raised a bit, his mouth slightly opened. He nodded his head a little in understanding. "Oh... I see." He seemed to still be processing. For some reason her and a kid did not click, no matter what. Despite how he could see a resemblance. He lowered his eyes again, closing his mouth and nodding his head again. She hadn't said anything earlier. He though something like what would be important to inform your friend of, even though they had argued.

As Noah started to whimper and she turned her attention to him again, Parker looked at Noah to, bringing one of his crossed hands up, rubbing his chin. His voice was soft as he spoke, "No, you didn't say a thing. You...didn't mention any guy either. Who is he? The Father."

Pyxis studied his reaction carefully, the way he looked down at his feet. Guilt consumed her and she wished she could take the words back, she wasn't sure how he'd react when she said she was joking. Would he get angry at her? Would he think she was weird? Would he go cold and cut her off once more? She couldn't take that, not again, but how could she let go when she had to take care of Noah who'd already lost his mother and his father. She looked down at the small child sympathetically, for he would never know his parents, not know anything about them. Pyxis was scared for when he'd ask what they were like, for she'd have to shrug and say, "I don't know."

She felt her chest tighten as she realised this, he'd never know anything about his parents. She knew now that she'd have to do whatever she could to ensure he was happy, even without his parents. She looked back up at Parker and saw a mixture of emotions on his face, as if he was struggling to process it. He did that thing he'd always done when he was shocked, open his mouth and nod. "Um, yeah." She mumbled as her hair fell in her face, and she couldn't be bothered pushing it away. She didn't have to, as Noah was still busy playing with her fingers.

Pyxis rocked Noah again and hummed a soft tune under her breath until Noah hushed once more and flicked his grey eyes with blue swirled through them to Parker, a chubby hand now reaching out for him. Pyxis glanced back up and pursed her lips, wondering how on earth to respond to that. Say a name Parker knew? Who on earth could she say that he knew. She decided it would be lying to much. "No one you know." Was all she said.

Parker stayed standing in the doorway in silence, and after a moment he leaned his body and his head against it. Watching as she seemed to become less confident, retreating into herself a bit. She lowered her head, he hair falling down before Noah who was still playing with her hands. When she started humming to Noah to keep him from fussing Parker frowned, feeling like he was intruding now. Things really had changed, things really were so different.

he furrowed his eyebrows when Noah looked over at him, reaching over to him. He met Pyxis' eyes when she looked back over and he stood up straight again. He crossed his arms again, pulling his robe a bit tighter as he scratched the back of one ankle with the other foot. When she said it was no one he knew, his eyes drew down and he nodded.

"I figured." Something felt weird about the way she said it though, and he spoke before he could think about it. "If you don't know...I won't judge you." The moment he said it he wanted to hit his head against the door frame. And hard. What on Earth was wrong with him, no one should ever just assume such things. "Oh hell," he groaned, bringing his hand up over his eyes, pressing down. "I didn't- I didn't mean that- I'm sorry." he then turned around, about ready to leave.

Pyxis felt incredibly bad for lying to him, and knew that she was going to tell him in a second that she was kidding, this was her dead sister's baby. As weird as that would sound, after all Parker was un-aware that she had a sister. She giggled once more as Noah reached even further for Parker, and she watched as Parker leant against the doorframe, his head resting against it. She pushed Noah's hand back to his body and he pouted at her, but she ignored him. She'd never pictured Parker as the type to be very fond of babies.

Pyxis had deducted that Parker didn't like the idea of her having her own baby, though why this was she had no clue. Maybe it was just a shock and he wouldn't even care another day? That thought made her sad, she did want him to care after all. She wanted him to be jealous and demand to meet the father, but that was something that was merely a dream and never would be a reality.

Pyxis gawped as he said that, her eyes widened in shock and hurt. Many emotions flickered through her as he apologised and turned to leave. She moved over to the crib and placed the half-asleep Noah inside, before she stormed over to him and grabbed the back of his robe, yanking him back into her room and pulling the door shut. Her eyes blazed with anger and hurt at his accusation, as if she were that type of girl. "Firstly," she growled as she pointed her finger at him. "I was joking, that's my dead sister's son," she didn't care if he got angry back, how dare he accuse her of something so disgusting. "And secondly, you dare accuse me of doing something like that? I am not some common whore, Parker Emery!" She waved her wand, casting a muffling charm around the room so she could scream without alarming the others. "I cannot believe you would even think that I would stoop so low! You are a horrible, horrible person Parker and I don't ever want you to think that about me! I would never, ever do that, not at all! I wouldn't have sex unless I was in a committed relationship!" She yelled, stomping her foot as her eyes filled with tears.

Parker groaned again as he took a step to leave, cursing under his breath to himself. He was then suddenly yanked by the back of his thin robe, the force nearly slipping it off him if she'd not grabbed his shirt as well. He was pulled back in the room, and he swore he could see his life flashing before his eyes as she closed the door. He turned to face her and he felt cornered, looking back into her eyes which were ablaze with hurt and rage.

He had brought his hands up to his face thinking she was going to strike him when she pointed at him. The first thing she had said, nearly went right over his head. A joke. A bloody joke? Who joked about that? He was trying to stutter out that he was sorry. How could he have possibly known that she was kidding!? He had leaned up back against the wall, his arms raised in surrender. "I-I never thought- No, Pyxis, I didn't mean it like that-" His voice faltered a bit as she rose her wand and she yelled louder. He turned his head away from her, bringing his shoulders up and bringing his hand up to his face, closing his eyes. He was so stupid. He never thought that of her, he never would. He just knew that sometimes things could happen if relationships were close enough together and.- and...he tried to make up more excused in his head, but she just kept yelling. "I'm Sorry!" he raised his voice back, his legs folding beneath him as he sat on the floor, still turned away from her.

Pyxis winced again, another flash of hurt running through her as he raised his hands to his face. Sure, she lashed out when angry and she'd strangled him, but that time she hadn't seem him for 9 years! He expected her to hit him? She growled and lowered her hand through, leaning her head against the door as she felt tears slide down her cheeks. He thought she was a slut, a whore... She'd never given off the impression at all. She'd never even had... it... god dammit!

"I can't believe you'd even think that! What the hell is it with me that everyone hates? I knew it! You did leave because of me, didn't you! Im like some fucking slut that hangs off your arm and whines to you, aren't I? I can't believe it, why did you just tell me the truth? Fuck you, I don't need you!" She pushed the door open and pointed out there with her finger. "Get the fuck out! All you do is cause me pain, do you know how many times you've broken my heart, Parker? Too many to count!" She stormed over to her bed and sat on it, drawing her knees up to her chest as she rested her head on her knees and glared at him. "All that time, you never even noticed, never even realised, because you're a boy and you're too fucking stupid. Get out, I don't need you or anyone else, im just fine on my own! Maybe i'll go out, get drunk, sleep with another guy!"

When he had flinched away, it wasn't so much that he actually thought she might strike him. But when she got into her rages, he had come to the realization while at school that the look in her eyes matched his mother's. There had been times after his parents divorce his mother had occasionally struck him, there was a time when it had really scared him but after that time she hardly did it again. While it had been years and years since he'd even seen his mother that look triggered a deep down reaction that had suddenly thrust him into being that small child he was and cause him to crumble to the ground as he did.

He just kept shaking his head as she kept on yelling, his eyes shut tight. His own breathing was ragged, absolutely shocked by the stuff she was saying. He had started to get angry with her verbal lashings, but he had to shut himself down. It was shut down or lash out. He couldn't let whatever instinct take hold that told him to lash back against her words. That was for the streets to protect himself, not against Pyxis when he was the one who majorly fucked up everything. Like he always did.

He didn't even understand what she was saying anymore. How could she say that stuff about herself, how could she possibly think that he thought that?? What had he ever done, beside this one terrible mistake of a comment, to make her think that? He just sat there, still as she continued, then stared at her, a look of complete confusion and frustration. He stared down, as he gripped the wall, pulling himself up. "Pyxis I-" he cut himself off before she could, closing his eyes and shaking his head. He was lost, he couldn't keep up. "I...." he barely said. "I never...Pyxis, please." he pleaded, standing at the door.

Pyxis dragged her hands through her hair, pulling at the roots as Noah arose from his slumber, but remained silent as he stared up at the ceiling. Her nails ripped at the skin of her scalp and she finally released her hair, only to claw at her legs whilst the bit her lip and forced herself not to cry. It wasn't that he'd called her a slut, it was that he'd called her a slut. The one person who meant everything to her, even more than Noah ever could. Sure, the boy was her nephew but there was something about Parker that was addictive, and she was slowly loosing herself, for she couldn't have him.

She wished that he could understand, that it would all be easier. If he only knew how she felt, then he could squash any hope within her. As it was, this hope blossomed and always prevented her from moving on. What if, what if, what if. She wished it would all stop, and as she looked over in his general direction the world swam before her eyes and so she shut them, the blackness welcome. She hated everything, why did it all have to be so hard? Why had she over-reacted? It was an accident, she knew, but it hurt so badly and she wanted him to feel her hurt. She wanted him to suffer, like she had all that time. But then again, she didn't want him to suffer. She wanted him to be happy.

She finally opened her eyes and the world came into focus. He was standing now, by the door, pleading. Her heart felt broken, shattered into millions of little pieces. Slowly, she pushed herself off the bed and advanced towards him. Her moves were slow, exaggerated so he'd know that she wasn't going to hurt him. She didn't like the way he'd flinched away from her, she didn't want him to think she'd attack him whenever she was mad. She tugged him towards her, before moving behind him and pushing him out the door, her hurt still showing on her face. "I don't ever want to see your face again, but as we're both professor's that'll be difficult, so let me re-phrase that. I am never talking to you for any reason's other than business again. 9 years you're gone, and then you come back and accuse me of sleeping around. Goodbye, Parker."

His head lowered, he was still mumbling and pleading to her that he was sorry, he hadn't meant it, that he simply wasn't thinking. His one hand was gripping onto the door frame, the other clutching his robe closed. He hated that this always happened. Even as adults, he couldn't sensor himself, he spoke without thinking, she took it worse than he even ever thought she would take it. It would twist itself into the ugliest of things, and he would keep only making it worse and worse, if he even tried to fix it it would be taken another terrible way and twist worse, spiraling until it just wasn't worth it sometimes. It sometimes made all the good times they had hurt because he could never make it last.

As she had gotten off her bed, Parker looked up, his eyebrows furrowed, his eyes looking at her searchingly, trying to find her motive. She moved slowly, almost carefully. His expression softened slightly as she reached toward him. And it almost hurt to think that she might just say sorry that instant. So back and forth and up and down it nearly drove him mad at times. Though her grasp had been too rough and then found himself shoved out of the room and everything seemed to blur. There was no winning anything. It was always lose-lose for the both of them, not matter what. It was like some force didn't want them to have anything to do with the other.

He just stared at her, his mouth slightly open, his brows furrowed a little, a lost look on his face. He closed his eyes, the words he could barely hear, striking him. At her words 'Goodbye, Parker.' he spun on the heal of his foot and walked quickly down the hall back to his room. Sleep was lost on him, he'd not get any that night. Not like it mattered. It was a long while later of staring at his ceiling before he had an overwhelming feeling to just get out and walk, he felt so restless. He grabbed his robe again, pulling it on and walking out of his room. He turned and went back in though and came back out only a second later with his wand and his trousers in his hand. As he stormed down the hall, leaving his door wide open.

Pyxis wanted to call out to him the moment he turned and left. She wanted to grab him and say that she didn't mean it, that she wanted him to stay. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, that she always had and always would love him. She wanted everything to be easier between them, for there was always something wrong. She'd hoped that it would go away with time, but it didn't. She'd realised now what it was. It was her. If she didn't love him, then it wouldn't be like this. They wouldn't fight all the time, because she wouldn't've had to pretend she didn't care. She wouldn't've been so offended by everything he said against her.

As it was, she watched him retreat and the moment he'd vanished from her sight she uttered the words that only in her wildest dreams could she picture herself actually saying to his face. "I love you." It was soft, crackly, and it made her heart ache. As she shut the door, she knew why she'd done it. She knew that this was for the best, that they were merely working together and not friends. SHe'd have to let go, just let go. She couldn't hold onto the desperate hope that one day he might care for her back, because she was sure it would never happen. Countless hints she'd dropped, and yet he'd never picked up on any of them. And he never would.

"It's better this way," she told herself as she walked over to her bed and laid down. "Better, always better. Don't cry, damnit Pyxis don't cry." But she couldn't force herself not to. She curled in on herself and cried, her body wracking with sobs as she wrapped her arms around her chest in a vain attempt to hold herself together. It wasn't like that time he'd vanished, because this time she'd made him leave her life. Her cheeks were stained with tears, and it was hours later that she finally ceased her crying and heard the sound of footsteps outside. She got up quickly and grabbed her wand off of her dresser, an instant reaction. She moved forwards and pushed open her door, looking down the professor's hallway to see that his door was wide open. Curious, she came rushing out and down into the professor's lounge to see him vanish from sight.

She frowned as she followed after him, curious as to where he was going. She mentally told herself to stop and go to bed, but her curiosity had not been sated and as she was no longer his friend she'd have to resort to sneakier means to follow him. She cast the disillusionment charm on herself and followed after him as quietly as she could.

Laying in his bed, he was trying to force everything he felt back into a little ball in his gut. This hurt far more then when he had just left because then there were still uncut strings. They'd been able to gain back some of the friendship they had before because things had not been finalized. All this was what he feared would happen if he had told her he would have been leaving. Everything cut off, her not wanting anything to do with him anymore. Leaving like he did allowed him to think that a part of her could still care and remember him from time to time, and he'd not feel back for thinking and caring so much for her and everyone else.

But now things were finalized. He was just too stupid, too misunderstanding, desperate, too faulty. He had finally screwed up bad enough for her to mean what she said and not forgive him. He didn't mean to always offend her, he never wanted to. He would just say the first thing that he wondered in the most honest way and it always seemed to get people to hate him. But if he didn't tell what he thought people would hate him too and there was never anyway for him to do anything right. He just couldn't do anything right and never would as long as he held on to who he was in the past. He'd still be that stupid ignorant kid that has still hardly amounted to anything and made no impact on anyone other then to upset them. He hated it all and he hated himself.

He lept out of the bed shaking when the urge had taken over him to just walk without stopping. He stormed out with his head swimming and his ears ringing, feeling like everything really was crashing down now, just as it had before. She'd meant everything to him. She was literally why he was still alive. Sometimes what even kept him getting out of bed to go to work, knowing she'd not want him to just waste away. Out of the castle, his socked feet got soaked with mid night dew. The air was still but cold and he walked all the way to that damned lake, where that grindylow just hadn't taken him fast enough, and where he had to have been saved. His wand gripped tight in his hand, he threw his trousers down onto the shore before he took steps into the freezing water, his body immediately starting to shiver.

He walked in waist deep,shivering violently. His robe and shirt clung to him and he felt the slippery moss and mud between his feet. Feeling a creature by his foot, he jumped and stunned it in instinct. He stared at it and pushed it away from him as it floated up, unconscious. As the small grindylow had floated off, he lowered his head, and groaned loudly. His arm was so cold he could hardly move it, so with his other hand he grabbed his own wrist and brought his wand up to his head, his chest heaving. She didn't want anything to do with him. He should have known and he should have just obliviated himself when the thought first occurred to him. Now there would be no problem in talking to her as a stranger, no problem moving on from his past, that is if it even worked. But he didn't want to hurt anymore. Even if it meant he lost his mind.

Pyxis felt so tired that she could not sleep. She wished the blackness above her which was her ceiling would consume her, just make her vanish. Maybe then, everything would be alright. She'd been thinking it a lot lately, was she a mistake? Was she not meant to be born? Was it why everyone around her had left, isolating her from the world? Did the universe want her to stop impacting everyone's life? Impossible, she told herself. She was over-reacting, she had to have an impact on her nephew's life. Perhaps she was just too emotional. She thought that must be it, she must be far too emotional for her own good. With this in mind, she rolled onto her side and made a vain attempt to sleep, but he was there. Her minds eye displayed their good memories, the ones she treasured.

She smiled at them, and tears slid silently down her cheeks. She just wanted him, her Parker, the shy one who always opened up a little when she was around. The one that nothing was awkward with, and everything was a roller coaster. Sure, they'd had their downs but that was just Pyxis and her extreme mood swings. He was her best friend, how could they not fight? Didn't people always fight with the ones they love? She thought that was the saying, that is. Her hand reached up and she wiped at her tears as she replayed the memories, over and over. She knew she'd go insane, seeing him every day and not talking to him at all. She'd have gone insane in 7th year if it wasn't for Haley, but there was no Haley here to save her now.

Pyxis listened to the perfect silence around her. What had she done? It could've gotten better! They could've been fine, like they normally were, and everything would've been okay. It was a misunderstanding, and she felt she ought to go tell him she was just mad, she didn't mean it. You can't do that, its over. You've got to let him go, the annoying voice in the back of her head told her, but that voice was wrong. She wouldn't listen to it, and as she heard a door creak open, she jumped up with her heart in her throat and ran to her own, pulling it open. SHe watched as he vanished from sight, and she gripped her wand tightly in her hand as she followed after him, casting a disillusionment charm on herself first.

His path led her outside, where her bare feet became cold and wet from the dew that clung to the grass. Dressed in a tank as her shirt, the icy air outside made her shiver and a hiss escaped her lips as she wrapped her arms around herself. She continued to follow him, her concern clear on her face as he headed for the Black Lake. Memories flashed before her eyes, and she began to panic. When he waded waist deep into the water, she clapped her hand to her mouth to stop herself from calling out to him. She wasn't even meant to be here, but when he rested the tip of his wand against his head she couldn't stand there and watch him hurt himself. She pointed her wand at him, "Expelliarmus!"

He took a deep breath as he raised his wand. He tried preparing himself. What did he want gone? He'd spent so many hours over so many years thinking, but almost nothing specific came to mind at that very moment. He just wanted it gone. All gone. He as so tired of screwing everything wrong. The only thing it seemed he could do was work, he didn't need all these memories for that. If anything they distracted him. He'd be happier, Pxyis would be happier. Like she said, he only caused her grief and she didn't want to talk to him anymore anyway. So what would it matter if he didn't remember.

He closed his eyes as he felt the tip of his wand touch his temple, letting out a shaking breath. He'd lost it, he must had utterly lost it, he thought, if he was seriously doing it. But all this pain, that he felt and caused...he didn't want it. He'd had enough. It was barely even a few seconds before there was a flash of light and his wand flew from his hands into the water. He couldn't stop himself from yelling out in frustration as he plopped in the water, and he he hit the surface of the water, splashing it around him. "DAMN IT." He turned around. "Damn you!" he cried, bringing his hands to his face starting to sob.

He moved his hands up his face and through his hair, pushing his hair back from his face. Again, she'd save him again. Why on Earth did she have to do it again? He felt to unutterably angry, and nearly freezing cold water. He hit the water again. He really was so childish and stupid still. Acting as he was so drastically, actually about to do what he was. He would have been as good as brain dead... What was wrong with him??

Pyxis' eyes widened as she appeared out of no-where due to the charm being lifted, and she hadn't expected him to react like that. She took an instinctive step forwards but stopped herself, watching as he pushed his hair back from his face and hit the water with his hands. His anger made her sad, and she didn't care if she said she wasn't his friend, because deep down she knew she'd always be there for him. Whenever he needed her, she'd be there. She was frozen in place as she watched him, wondering what he'd been about to do with his wand.

"Parker..." Her voice was so soft that barely even she heard it, and her words were lost within the wind. It was cold, and she was hardly appropriately dressed for such weather. She didn't care, he looked so helpless in the water. Bracing herself, she moved forwards until she reached the waters surface, but her body tried to stop her. She struggled to force herself to move, and carefully her foot was placed in the water. She gritted her teeth and went in until she was beside him, her hand grabbing his wand off of the surface and putting it in the same hand as her own wand. She tossed both of the wands back to the shore, where the water couldn't reach him.

"What were you doing?" She asked softly, moving so that she was standing in front of him. "Listen to me," her tone remained soft, gentle. She couldn't help but be a little scared of him, but she swallowed her fear and cupped his face with her hands. "I was angry, I didn't mean it. You know im over-emotional, I took your words to heart and didn't realise they were an accident, you didn't mean it. Please, please don't do anything to harm yourself. If I lost you, Parker, life wouldn't be worth it for me. All those years you were gone, you were the reason I kept getting up in the morning, that i'd eat, because I told myself you were out there and I was going to find you, and i'd get my old Parker back."

As Pyxis as started to move towards the water he started to wade out, completely soaked in the ice cold water, his thin clothes clinging to him. Having been in the water and so deep for as long as he was, he moved slowly and had only taken a couple of steps before she reached him. When she did reach him she grabbed his wand, which he was thankful didn't sink and tossed the both towards the shore.

He had tried to step around her, looking around her, bringing his arms closer to himself as he was still shivering and shaking almost violently. He closed his eyes, and shook his head, his pained expression deepening. When she went to cup his face he grabbed her wrists carefully and pulled away from her, "No-" was all he could choke out, as he tried to move around her. He stubbed his foot on a stone in the water which caused him to take in a sharp breath in pain. He wiped at his face with a wet hand. "You do mean it. You'd not say it then..." He closed his eyes, remembering a short time in his life where he was constantly told he took things too seriously and too to heart. He hated if he made her feel as terribly as he did.

He got a few paces more up to the shore, around knee deep. His muscles were so cold, especially with the wind that had picked up, and he couldn't hardly move them and when he did, they hurt. He staggered a bit, and when she said she had just wanted old Parker back he doubled over, scrapping his knees on the rough sand, and taking fist fulls of it in his hands. He breathed out, "I'm not old Parker."

Pyxis felt hurt ripple through her when he pushed her away, shut her off, like he did in 7th year. So many times, she'd reached out to him and he'd pushed her away in turn. She felt herself crumple and she slowly sank into the water, the mud oozing between her toes as she managed to stop herself. She watched him, the pain within her making her want to sink beneath the water and never re-surface. But she wouldn't, mostly because she was scared of water. She was scared of drowning, like her best friend before him. Her eyes widened as she suddenly realised she was in the water.

"Merlin." She squeaked as she immediately made her way back over to his side, safety washing over her as she was near him. She was frustrated, why couldn't he just accept her words? She was sorry, was that not good enough for him? "I didn't mean it, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't! Don't tell me what I do and don't mean!" She hissed as she wiped at her wet cheeks. With a sniffle, she realised just how cold she was and she wrapped her arms around herself as she moved forwards in the water and sat down in front of him, watching him.

The icy wind whipped against her already cold body, and she was beginning to go numb from cold. Her teeth chattered lightly and she shut her eyes as he breathed that he was not old Parker. She opened her eyes once more and shook her head with a soft smile. But he was, because that was the one she'd fallen in love with. He was still there, she knew he was, he just needed to find himself again. "But you are, you are and I know it," she moved out of the water and picked up her wand, and shakily performed a warming charm. Immediately, she sighed and relaxed. "You want to know how I know? Because thats the Parker I fell in love with, and if he wasn't there anymore then I wouldn't still love you." Her words hung in the air and she turned away from him, walking over to their tree and sitting down beside it. She rested her head against the tree, not wanting to leave in case he did something.

Still shivering, he looked over to her when she moved beside him. She'd started to repeat over and over how she didn't mean it and he just shook his head. He sniffed and tried to sit out of the water where it was dry, groaning as his body ached all over. "How am I supposed to know what you mean when you lie to me. I thought I could trust you..." he said weakly, referring to that 'joke' about the child she was taking care of. He knew people often said things they thought they didn't mean, especially when angry. but there was always a reason they said it, something deep inside that made them. And for the life of him, half the things she said never made sense to him.

She started to say she knew he was the same and he he wrapped his arms around himself, feeling cold to the touch even to himself. He shook his head, trying to pull his wet robe tighter around himself, speaking quietly. "We've just met after all this time, I've had to live with myself for nine years."

He stopped and looked up at her though as she continued, just looking at her. He opened his mouth a bit as she turned away to sit at their tree. He looked at her a moment longer. Her voice had been quiet and he was sure he must have heard her wrong, even though she'd said it twice. "W-what?" He took in a pained breath as he pulled himself to stand, stiffly going to grab his wand and his now half soaked trousers that were by the shore. How could she go from spitting rage to this in what seemed like such short time. What was 'this'? Was she saying just another thing she'd take back later, saying she didn't mean it?

Pyxis let her breath escape, though her teeth were clenched so it came out as an agitated hiss. Her eyes flashed with pain and she looked down at her hands. It had been a little joke that was meant to be harmless but had turned out to not be so harmless. "I was kidding, I didn't think you would take it that seriously. It wasn't meant to be a lie, and don't you give me a guilt trip for merlin's sake, Parker. Don't you dare bring up 'trust' to me, you don't even know the meaning of that word. You thought you could trust me? I thought I could trust you! And yet, where the fuck did that leave me Parker? Alone!" She snapped, before biting her lip at her words.

She wondered why she had such a violent anger, and could easily switch from angry to withdrawn and quiet. It amazed even her sometimes, but she knew it annoyed and scared other people at how quick she could flip out. It was a major flaw of hers. She glanced at him sideways and huffed.

Pyxis rolled her eyes at him and looked up from their tree, watching as he grabbed his wand. Was he stupid? He must be, she thought. How could he, after all this time, not've realised? Even when she said it to him, he still wasn't sure. "Merlin Parker, I can't even," she growled and ran a shaky hand through her hair, her wet clothes clinging tightly to her body as she pulled her knees up to her chest. "I love you. I," she then spoke slowly. "Love. You. Is that really so hard to understand? Think about it Parker, just take a moment and think. I made it so obvious, and you never even noticed." She choked on her words slightly and then buried her face in her knees, her cheeks bright red.

He looked down, breathing out. How many times had heard those words? Joking. Taking everything to seriously. He just didn't get why that would be a joke. Why people would joke about serious things like that. Or say cruel thing and after they fact say it was a joke. It didn't take it back, it didn't exactly make it okay. He closed his eyes. "No, I'm not trying to..." he ran his hand through his hair. "No. I don't, I might never have. I know. And I left because I didn't feel like I could even trust myself. it was for the best..." He voice was gradually growing weaker and more shaky. Why did they just have to keep going back and forth like this? It was so tiring...

He had taken a few steps toward her, able to feel the warming charm around her. He looked down and swallowed. His words were rushed and harshly whispered as he breathed out as he spoke, "I- what am I supposed to say?" How was he supposed to know? He didn't know what love felt like. He'd heard people describe it at the hospital when on their death bed. Someone that was the closest person in your life, that you'd give everything for, that you'd cherish, and never forget or want anymore more than.

She was all of that to him. So, if that was the case, then he must too, and always had too. Was he really so emotionally stunted? He'd certainly never had the words directed at him, in more than an off handed, even joking manner. And he'd only ever said them as a very young child to his parents. If she had for so long, then why now? Why him? "Why?"

Pyxis huffed in frustration, she was so weary of fighting with him all of the time. "Alright, alright I give up im sorry, whatever." She mumbled as the world began to become blurred. She wondered why, and when she touched her finger to below her eyes she realised she was crying. Again. "Why am I always crying?" She muttered to herself, annoyed. It was a show of weakness, and Pyxis hated to be viewed as weak. Being weak made you pathetic, and she hated anything that didn't show her as strong, because not being strong meant that she was showing who she really was. A scared, little girl who just wanted her mum to hold her close whilst she cried.

Pyxis lifted her head as he stepped towards her, and she shrugged. Was she supposed to tell him how to respond? She wanted to know his opinion on it, because if he didn't care for her back then she wanted to know now. She had to know, so she could let go finally. She was so sick and tired of keeping it inside of her all the time, never knowing if he loved her back. "How am I supposed to know? Just, maybe... do you... I mean, I understand if you don't, and you don't have to pretend just to spare my feelings but, do you maybe... could you ever...?" She trailed off and stared down at her hands which were shaking violently.

If he didn't love her back, that was okay, she told herself. Even though she knew that wasn't okay, but she'd get over it in time. At least, she hoped she would. When he asked her why, her head snapped back up to him and she growled. "Why the hell - what on - argh! You are so frustrating sometimes!" She ran her hands through her hair again and stood up, her neck aching from staring up at him all the time. "Why do I love you? I don't know, I just do. There's something about you... something that makes my heart race when you speak to me, something that makes me feel dizzy when you touch me, something that makes me cry when we're fighting, something that makes me feel as if im missing something, a part of me, when you're gone." Her eyes had fallen to her feet as she spoke.