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 Breaking through myself (Open)

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Deva H.V. White
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PostSubject: Breaking through myself (Open)   Tue Jun 12, 2012 4:16 pm

It was enough. Too much. She couldn't keep doing this. She couldn't stay away anymore. As if the burden of the living wasn't already on her, but also the burden of the dead? No, that wouldn't be. She couldn't stay away.

Deva looked around herself, feeling like she was being watched, though she was pretty sure it was just paranoia. No one was at the graveyard. Not at this time. Too much zombie talk, and possibly ghosts liking to scare them. Deva didn't care. She wasn't easily spooked. Certainly not by ghosts.

She looked at her clock. 3 am. She sighed slightly and walked through the gates and past all the gravestones, ranging from small to massive. Some were in houses. Her parents were in a house. After all, being a descendant of Helga Hufflepuff was being a noble. Not to mention that they had been killed on a mission by aurors.

Deva saw the house. When she was young and still Haley, she had often walked into it, doing homework there. People might think it was morbid, but it made her feel at peace. Deva looked around herself once more, and then walked over to the house when she saw no one, and placed her hand on the door, leaning her forehead on it.

She took a deep breath and then, without removing her head or hand from the door, she pulled forth her wand and did a non-verbal spell, and a beautiful flower blossomed from the feet of the house and up the walls, making the grave look really old. She sighed again, and then backed off to the grave she usually came to stand by when she walked to the graveyard. A family called 'White' lay only ten feet away from her parents' grave. That had actually been the reason for why she had chosen the surname 'White'. She made a flower for that grave too, wondering what they had been like, and how they had died.

Her head turned back to her parents' grave. She looked around again. It was okay, no one was around. She knew that. She bit her lip. Then she walked over to the grave again. I can't stay away. Her hand took the doorknob. I can't stay away. She twisted the knob. I can't stay away. She opened the door. I can't stay away. She walked into the darkness.

Nothing had changed. Of course. Other than the flowers that had wilted, the petals that lay on the floor, crunching as she stepped on them. She closed the door behind her, the darkness engulfed her apart from the slight moonlight that crept through the tinted windows.

Deva sat down on the bench between the two coffins that held the bones of her kinsmen. She bit her lip as a tear slid down her face. She hadn't even noticed the moist that had sneaked its way into her eyes. She felt heartbroken. Nothing had changed.

She shook her head feverishly. She couldn't be Deva anymore. Not for another second. She clutched her chest and fell down on the floor, taking deep and hungry breaths. But she couldn't be Haley. She couldn't be herself. She couldn't break through herself. I won't ever be who I once was. Ever.

Deva rose slowly, and steadied her sobs. She gained control of herself, of her heart again, becoming the auror she had always trained to be. Even if she was a teacher. She took a deep breath through her nose and then frowned. Someone was there. She could hear them outside in the graveyard. How many? One? Deva peaked through the tinted window and saw a shadowed figure. She tilted her head to the side, unable to see who it was.

She performed a spell on the wall away from the person and walked through the wall, stopping the spell when she was out. She managed to sneak a bit away and then conjured a new bouquet, ready to put it on the gravestones reading 'White'.

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PostSubject: Re: Breaking through myself (Open)   Tue Jun 12, 2012 11:09 pm

Anne walked silently up the path. She had chosen to go in the middle of the night for her own reasons. She didn't want DJ or Sofia to see her like this. IT still made her cry to see what she had lost at such a young age. She had placed a dissaliusment charm over herself to stay hidden.

She reached the grave and saw Deva come up. She had yet to tell her about the slip up with Pyxis. She knew she had to but she had no clue how to say that her alias was no longer safe. She would have to leave again and never comeback as Deva. She couldn't even come back as Haley.

She felt a tear slip down her cheek as she watched her go to where she knew her parents graves to be. She couldn't visit there anymore. She wasn't Haley. She out of lack of judgement fallowed. She didn't know what she wanted to do. She just walked behind her giving her plenty of space.

When she realized she knew she was there she decided with nothing else to do she called out lightly. "Deva, it's Anne."

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PostSubject: Re: Breaking through myself (Open)   Thu Jun 14, 2012 11:01 am

Deva tilted her head to the side when she heard her name being called by a rather familiar voice. Anne. The conclusion came before the woman said it was her. Deva turned and walked away from the grave of the White-family, walking over to where Anne was. She wondered briefly what she was doing at a graveyard this late in the night when she noticed that she had been there all the while Deva had. Deva didn't even hesitate in her calculations; Anne knew. Anne knew that Deva was an alias. Anne knew that Deva was Haley. And Deva knew she was right.

"How long have you known?" Deva merely asked, very lowly, and hoping Anne wouldn't say her real name out loud. It would be most unwise, even at this place. Or, actually, this place was where Deva actually needed to be careful; it was the one place they would be sure to find her once. Deva suddenly wanted to punch herself for having walked into her parents' restingplace.

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PostSubject: Re: Breaking through myself (Open)   Thu Jun 14, 2012 4:25 pm

Anne smiled at the question. She didn't say anything aloud, She just tilted her head and wondered what Deva was going to do, now that she had realized that, she knew.

"Since the first time we talked Deva." She said making it clear that she wasn't going to give her away. She kept a lot of secrets and this one, which a life depended on was not one she was going to give away. "We're the only ones here. It's a secret that is still safe. I'd rather die than betray you." She said not knowing if she was referring to the alias or to Haley.

"I'm sorry for not telling you. But I figured that you didn't want anyone to know." She stated simply.

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PostSubject: Re: Breaking through myself (Open)   Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:49 am

Deva was shocked that Anne had known for so long. She was also relieved when Anne said 'Deva' and not 'Haley'. She took a deep breath at Anne's next words. That was just what she was worried about. She shook her head fiercely, feeling tears press behind her eyes again and a lump form in her throat. She swallowed it down and shook her head again.

"No. If you get caught and they want this information from you, you tell. I can take care of myself," she said harshly, "No one gets to protect me by dying, because that is not protecting me at all. That would only hurt me. So don't you dare die trying to protect me, it'll be in vain."

Deva didn't mean to sound so cold and harsh when she said that, but she was sick of people dying on her. On their parts, their life was over, no more suffering, while she was left here, in this cold world where hate was prominent, left to suffer at their loss. It was a selfish thought, yes, but nothing was unselfish when it came to death.

Deva sighed softly. "You were right. I didn't want anyone to know. But now that one does," she said, leaving the line open and charged at Anne, engulfing her in a big hug. She let tears run down her cheek and she sobbed a bit, though she managed to not break down in the relief she felt that there was one less person she would have to hide from. "I've missed you so much," she breathed into Anne's ear.

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PostSubject: Re: Breaking through myself (Open)   Mon Jun 18, 2012 12:18 pm

Anne chuckled slightly at Haley's words. She knew who she was. Though when they had first met, Anne was selfish and stupid. She had changed from the eleven year old girl who had once thought of ending her own life. Now she would never dream of it. She would give her life for others. "First impressions always leave their mark." She mumbled to herself.

"I have my weakness, but unless they use that. I wont give away a single secret. I keep far too many of them, I keep everyone's secrets. With Matters of life or death, I'm willing to die for those I care about. Death is one thing that has never scared me." She said looking at her sadly.

She was extremely happy when she was hugged like that. She had wanted to hug Deva since she had known. She just held her old friend and rubbed her back. "I've missed you too." She whispered back. "No matter who you are, you'll always be my friend." She said knowing that she would be true to her word. She had become friends with who she was not who she had been. She wanted to say to tell Alcyone but she knew no matter how strong Alcy was, if she was given her sister back, it would show.

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PostSubject: Re: Breaking through myself (Open)   Fri Jun 22, 2012 4:34 pm

Deva sighed and shook her head. "My death never scared me either. But your death scares me," she said softly, "I would never forgive myself if you were to die because of my secrets."

Deva knew that what she was saying wouldn't breach through to Anne. But she needed to say it anyways. But now that that was done, she could simply enjoy the warm hug. She thought back to the times she had met Anne and smiled as she realized how good the woman had been at hiding that she knew who Deva actually was.

Deva gave a weak, sobby laugh at what Anne said. "And no matter who I pretend to be, you'll always be mine," she whispered.

Then she broke from the hug and looked hopelessly at Anne. "How can I keep lying to Alcy, Anne? And Parks and Pyx? How can I keep doing this? It's just not right, Anne," Deva said brokenly.

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PostSubject: Re: Breaking through myself (Open)   Sat Jun 23, 2012 7:10 am

Anne said nothing. Deva... or Haley, whoever the woman was right now knew her. She cared more about others than she did for herself.

"There's a reason Deva is here. That's what you have to remember when it gets hard. There's always a reason to fight, you just have to find it." She said softly.

"I don't know. I don't know how to lie to the people I love more than anything. I can lie to people I hate with ease. People I care about it's a lot harder." She said looking at her symathticly.

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PostSubject: Re: Breaking through myself (Open)   Sat Jun 23, 2012 12:39 pm

Deva smiled at Anne. What she said was very true. Over the years, Anne had changed a lot. Deva had always chosen to be her friend, because she always saw something more in Anne than being selfish. She had really changed, just like Deva always believed she would.

"Thank you, Anne. I needed that," she said softly.

Her smile dropped when they discussed the topic of lying. It was so hard to lie. And not only was she lying to her friends, she was lying to her sister. She was so sick of it. She knew she'd enjoy every second of rendering that man incapacitated. She practically couldn't wait. Which was why she was so excited to see Athena again. They had planned to meet up by the forest of the international quidditch pitch. This made it easier to breathe for Deva.

"It is hard. It's almost too hard to cope with. But I know my reason. And my reason is strong. That's the only thing that keeps me going," Deva said with a soft smile.

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PostSubject: Re: Breaking through myself (Open)   Sun Jun 24, 2012 4:01 am

Anne looked at Deva she was lying to her family too. She knew it would be hard. How could it not be. She didn't know how he did it. Her reason would be huge. She shook her head lightly to clear all the thoughts of anything bad. She didn't like it not at all.

"Stay strong, in this world it's all you can do." She said sadly. "You know I'm here for you." She said she would help Deva if she had to. She had no problem going after monsters. IF she wasn't a teacher she would be an arour.

"There has to be something someone can do. Anyone, anything." Anne asked hoping that somehow she could be happy and life for her could be easier.

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PostSubject: Re: Breaking through myself (Open)   Mon Jun 25, 2012 2:26 am

Deva smiled softly at Anne. All she really needed to hear, was what Anne was saying now. A friend she had always had, comforting her as Haley and not Deva felt incredibly good. And she would cherish the moment for a long time.

"I know. But it's good to hear you saying that. And I might take you up on that offer, though in a different circumstance than what you believe. I won't drag you into this shit. There's only so much I can take," Deva said softly. Just the thought of her friends being pulled into this had lead her to changing her name. No way was she risking it. Not even with someone as strong as Anne.

Deva smiled. "Well, I haven't been hiding under a rock and twiddled my thumbs. Relax, I've got my plan and my backup. I'll manage. It's just the step to managing it that is hard," she said with a shrug, "But I'll be free again in not too long."

She then sighed and looked around. "But I think I've stayed here for long enough. I should go sleep some, so I'm not exhausted tomorrow," she said.

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PostSubject: Re: Breaking through myself (Open)   Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:12 am

Anne listened to her and smiled warmly. She was glad that she knew that Anne knew. It was better that way. She didn't have to hide for her. She didn't care about keeping it from anyone else, it didn't matter.

"Well as long as it will work out. BUt I have something to tell you. Pyxis, let slip that you are the leader of the order. I just thought you should know so you could be on you guard." She said remembering why she had looked for Deva, though she didn't think she would meet her here.

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PostSubject: Re: Breaking through myself (Open)   Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:01 am

Deva smiled softly and felt really happy about the fact that Anne knew. It was much easier now, so light she had become. She'd never expected that it would be easier just by knowing that one of her previous friends knew. It was easier. She felt all giddy and bubbly.

Then Anne told her about Pyxis. Deva hadn't expected that Pyxis wouldn't tell when they had caught Parker. And Deva was happy about that. "I never let my guard down," Deva said softly, "Now I just have to be extra sure that I won't. It won't change my every day life too drastically," she said with a soft smile.

The easy feeling still hadn't left Deva and she suddenly burst out laughing. She laughed so hard she couldn't even keep standing. After a while, she started breathing heavily, calming herself down. Finally, she managed to stumble to her feet with the biggest grin she had had on her face since she'd been a student at Hogwarts.

She then sighed. "That felt good," she said happily, "Really, really good."

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PostSubject: Re: Breaking through myself (Open)   Thu Jul 05, 2012 1:18 am

Anne looked at her when she started laughing. She didn't know how log it had been since she had. It almost scared her that people could go so long without having someone to trust and confide in.

Anne nodded and yawned. "I should go be careful alright." She said smiling at Haley.

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